I need the way he looks at me.

I need the way he does little things, innocent things, and they turn me on beyond words.

I need the way he looks. The way he feels. The way he tastes when I grab him by the hair and pull him to his knees, biting at him, hungry not even to fuck him or hurt him or hold him, just to TASTE him.

I need the sound of his voice, whimpering slightly from inside the cage while I pretend to ignore him - pretense only, we both know that such a beautiful boy locked away in such a cold, harsh cage is not a picture or a fact that I could ignore under any circumstances.

I need the sweet movements he makes when I'm holding him down. He knows, somehow, exactly how to struggle so that it arouses rather than infuriates me.

I need him begging for kisses, for touch, for anything and everything, not because he believes he won't get it without begging (although he won't), not because he knows it will please me (although it will) but because he can't DO anything else, can't even IMAGINE doing anything else, ever... because right then, his universe starts and ends with my will and my whim, and all he dares to do, all he wants to do, all he exists to do, is beg.

I love Caleb to pieces... and he is a wonderful submissive and a wonderful lover and a wonderful friend and a wonderful partner, don't get me wrong. He makes me happy in a million ways.

But right now I want Kadin.

I love Alex far more than is at all reasonable... he has such wonderful words, such delicious ideas, perfect fashion sense and excellent talents, he is amazing.

But right now I want Kadin.

Daris... Tygrr... Talia...

But right now I want Kadin.

I want my boy, want him here, want to see him and hold him, want to reassure myself that I didn't just dream him.

I want him to exist for me again.

I want to wake up and see him looking sleepily up at me, nuzzling against me, being my sweet pet.

I want to fall asleep hearing him breathing in the cage, knowing that he's trembling, alone, wishing desperately he could be in my arms, and so hyperaware of how much his presence in the cage pleases me that desperate as he is, he still won't beg... yet... to be released.

I want my kitten back, but he is horribly, painfully far away.

It hurts to have him so far away... I'm crying, not much, not hard... but I can't keep the tears back, thinking of him, realizing all over again how much I miss him and how much I love him.

How much he means to me.

How important he is to me.

How deeply and completely I treasure him...

...and how much I need him.

I need my Kadin.

*sighs*