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Previous - this entry written on 2001-08-16 at 6:31 a.m. - Next It's time to quote lyrics. Why? Simple. These songs... I remember listening to Kadin singing them while I was half-asleep, while we waited for a bus, while we rode together in the little silver car, while he looked in my eyes and I stared at his soul... ...I remember the way his lips moved. The way his eyes slammed closed at times, then opened wide, the music moving his body more than any conscious thought on his part. I remember his voice, how it slipped and growled, how it moved through the words as if he was hunting some lost emotion, stalking it, capturing it finally in a burst of sound and vision and no, he didn't sing perfectly, he wasn't a diva, but he meant every word and he sang to me, for me... ...and now I'm getting frustrated because I don't know the lyrics well enough to type them out... and can't find the damned things online. The band: 8 stops 7. The songs: Uninspired, Not Alive, and Question Everything. The emotions: I miss him. I miss him a LOT. Playing this... actually helps. But it hurts first, it makes me remember him. He called his parents from somewhere in BC... I wonder if he tried to call me? I hope he did, even if he didn't get through. I hope he tried. Ahh... lyrics found. Here. Read. --- Question Everything --- Ever since I was a child you always said that I should understand the rules You take some and give less Sit high above the rest...don't you As I ask a simple question Cuts me off with his reply He's been practicing for decades Now he thinks I have the time He flows in and out of riddles Looking me straight in the eye But it seems like something's missing from the days When he was more my size Ten years older and I've finally found my pride This old man comes rolling home to die Old feelings make it hard to decide just what it means to me Everything exists 'tween black and white You can twist and distort the most blatant of lies Or just offer up solutions practiced only in mind I lost half my life to wisdom So forgive me if I come off sounding bitter If my words push you away If I seem surprised to see you lying here in front of me Just consider what you're asking and give me a little time I'm still having trouble breathing cuz up to now (or as Kadin sings it "I'm still having trouble breathing as I deny") I've never seen you cry No son of mine Should I be sleeping No son of mine As if you never understood That I don't need your help Don't have to save me from myself Or take me out to prove that I should live my life like you As I ask a simple question Cuts me off with his reply He's been practicing for decades But I am listening this time He flows in and out of riddles Stories change without the wine But at least he seems much clearer on how it feels to be my size Ten years older and I've finally found my pride This old man comes rolling home to die Old feelings make it harder to see just what it means to me What it means to me --- That one... yeah. Pretty boy. I miss him, and I miss him all the more because I know what he is returning to, and I'm afraid that he will find himself trapped in good intentions... --- Uninspired --- Took a drive up the coast for the first time Where the cities are few and far between Found redemtion, the street signs bearing my name And direction, the last thing on my mind Cuz I fell once again for believing And in faith, I began to drive I left my home to search for a feeling that I'd lost that must have died I must have died I've been feeling uninspired Battered and...broken tired Cuz there's many things I've never learned or even decided... What I'm ready to serve Falling asleep, the back of my car Who'd have believed I could get this far Now all of my friends have lost their defense Doesn't make much sense...but I don't need sense Took a drive up the coast for the first time Where the cities are few and far between Found redemtion, the street signs bearing my name And direction, the last thing on my mind I've been feeling uninspired Battered and...broken tired Cuz there's many things I've never learned or even decided... What I'm ready to serve --- I love him. And I would wager all I've got that he sung this one as he rode on the bus, as he watched the city disappear. I'd be willing to bet that he thought of me and stared at the sun rising over the mountains and sang this as a prayer. Maybe I'm just dreaming... maybe it's all my imagination... maybe he was silent, or had other songs on his lips... but... ...but I can see him whispering the words to this and crying. I can see his tears. Gods, I miss him. --- Not Alive --- What's wrong with me, I hear her say I forget everything, and what it means to me I'm not alive, that's what she means I hate to disappoint her, I only need some room to breathe What's wrong with me, what's wrong with you Must we compete who speaks the truth You can have it all, if it serves you well As long as I live with myself I'm wide awake, I was dead before today If you make it till tomorrow, see it works both ways I will not try to apologize for what I know is right Another chance wrapped up again Makes it difficult for you to comprehend Just give it time, time's all we've had I loved you as a child, now I must leave as a man It's so easy to be near me When all I've said gets lost between No, I don't know what you mean It's so easy to believe me Maybe I shouldn't, yes I can You know exactly who I am I shouldn't fake this thing I've mistaken for love, and I need to set her free Let her walk away and leave with the best part of me What's wrong with me, what's wrong with you Must we compete who speaks the truth You can have it all, if it serves you well As long as I live with myself Call it something that she needs to be Call it something that she needs to find in me --- I think... now that the words are clear... now that he's away... now that I'm not blinded by deep eyes and soft voice and hands that try so hard to touch me... I think that this song hurts. I think that it's ok it hurts, however... some forms of pain are so pure and intense that it doesn't matter how bad they are, you still wouldn't be willing to live without feeling them. Something that I need to be... something that I need to find in him... something... ...I hope he's sleeping well... I hope he's ok... I hope he comes back... ...I love him. Hosted by Diaryland - All Rights Reserved - Image, Layout, and Content copyright Jax Raven - - Do Not Feed The Moose - |
