The book comes with a journal that you're supposed to write your thoughts in after each little lesson - they give you a "Thing to Think About" and a question you're supposed to answer in that day's writing. Now, I'm sure most Christians, as in people who already Believe, would find this all very inspiring. Me?

I'm getting paid $400 to write BDSM-related comments, rants about Christianity, the Bible, God himself, and my parents, and snarky things that I only think of when I'm writing, not when I'm talking.

Seeing as this is amusing me so much, I'll be transcribing some of my writing onto here. There's 40 lessons but I've only completed 8 so far - tomorrow (or later tonight if I'm bored) will be number nine.

- - 1 - It All Starts With God - -

Point to Ponder: It's not about me.

Question to Consider: How can I remind myself today that life is really about living for God, not myself?

Meh. The problem with all of this is that it assumes you already believe whole-heartedly. For me to 'remind myself' would be rare.

See, if God is real, if I am living for a purpose he designated, I still can't see things from his point of view. The only eyes I have are mine. The only thoughts I have all happen in my brain. It's all well and good to say God has a purpose...

...but I don't see it, don't feel it, don't know it.

- - 2 - You Are Not An Accident - -

Point to Ponder: I am not an accident.

Question to Consider: Knowing that God created me for a purpose, what areas of my personality, background, and appearance do I need to accept?

What areas... hah. I'm sick all the time, no head for math, lousy metabolism, bitchy, snarky, I get posessive... my toes are odd, I get pimples all over the place, I can't remember things...

Oh, yeah. GREAT planning there, God. Make suicide a sin, then make people like me, people whose lives are years' worth of hell. Great job...

...but I wouldn't want you decorating my house, y'know?

I care about my friends, tequeo kajirun, az'roo... and I try not to hurt them.

You... meh. I don't see you fixing me.

Book quote: God doesn't play dice.

God plays poker and doesn't show anyone his cards, but still claims to win.

- - 3 - What Drives Your Life - -

Point to Ponder: Living on purpose is the path to peace.

Question to Consider: What would my family and friends say is the driving force of my life? What do I want it to be?

Love.

Seriously. We've had this conversation and the reason I live, the purpose and meaning and goal is love. Without love everything is grey, boring, flat. Love... love, containing friendship and fellowship and attraction and pleasure and companionship and joy and trust.

That's what drives me, what makes me get up in the morning. I guess in a way it's tied to my past... but I prefer to focus on it at present and in the future.

If God is Love, why do I feel unhappy, discontent, distrusting, every time I tried to focus on him instead of love?

Book quote:Ultimately, what matters most will not be what others say about your life but what God says about you.

I don't care how God sees me - if he wanted something specific he should have made me in a way that produces that result. I DO care how those that love me and that I love see me. I want their lives to be better, brighter, because of me.

- - 5 - (Yes, we skipped 4) Seeing Life From God's View - -

Point to Ponder: Life is a test and a trust.

Question to Consider: What has happened to me recently that I now realize was a test from God? What are the greatest trusts God has entrusted to me?

Y'know, I couldn't care less about that question - I'm considering something else. The servant metaphor... viewing God as a Dom is apparently closer to correct than the other views I've tried. I know about testing, trusting, but I also know how human minds focus. If you give a slaveboy a test, he sets aside all other thoughts, striving to please and to pass... he's NOT worrying about the next test, the next day, he is completely focused on the 'now'. When you entrust a sub with a task or responsibility they don't expect tricks; that's torture, not trust.

Seems to me that a good, loving Domme would make sure that the servant COULD and likely WOULD succeed before the test... if there's signifigant doubt as to the servant's abilities the only reason to test is for the purpose of training.

...and even slaves need days off.

I think that if we were made in God's image that he'd have taught us better. As things stand he's a lousy Dom.

Too much confusion, not enough praise and instruction... and don't try to tell me that the bible is his instruction book. I would NEVER expect a sub of mine to obey that many rules, all at cross purposes, most of 'em unclear. I demand a lot, I know that... but I keep in mind the limitations of the slave I command.

Maybe God should have a chat with the local BDSM chapter.