Some days, it REALLY doesn't.

I'm not entirely sure which type of day this is - I know it's one or the other, but that's about the farthest I've gone, regarding logical deduction and.. what the fuck am I talking about?

Honestly, I don't know. I've been listening to "Beat Me" by Custom, just finished the latest Anita Blake book, I want to get laid... but not just sex. I want to get FUCKED, or fuck someone. I want violence and fierceness and two bodies collapsed in a sweaty, gasping, tangled heap after sex so intense that things are falling off shelves, sex so rough that if you make it to the bed you're damned lucky, the sort of sex that leaves bruises in places you hadn't even remembered you had.

Not going out anywhere. Scott's back in town - he wants me to drive sightseeing for him and Anna tomorrow and honestly, that's more than a little bit of conflict-of-interest, particularly right now. But... hey. It'll get me out of the house, and it'll be good to see Scott, and meeting Anna might go better than I think, right?

It doesn't help that I'm damned near Split right now. It goes in degrees... some days I'm pretty much whole. I'm not right now, though. We're having arguements again... well, some of us. Some of us are just happy to exist properly again, without having to suffer for that existance, without being there purely to deal with pain that none of the rest can handle.

I... want.

Crave.

Need.

Sucks being female, some days.

I'm downloading more songs, still stealing suggestions from Alex... in case you hadn't noticed, I'm still a bit too lazy to link to anything. I wish I knew how to dance well. I know good dancing when I see it, I can analyze it, take it apart, tell you WHY it works... but I can't do it myself. Didn't grow up doing it. Didn't have any place to do it, any reason to do it.

I wish I could dance.

Mostly because right now, listening to Placebo, all I want in the world is to be in a packed club, dancing until I can't remember my own name.

Any of them.

I'm over-analyzing things right now. I don't know any other way to deal with what's going on, other than sitting down and thinking about it... which, unfortunately, isn't working too well. I just get confused. I want VERY badly to hop on the phone right now, call Scott or kadin - torian's at school, Nick needs his sleep - and talk. I need someone to talk with, right now... someone I at least partially trust and respect and know. Preferrably someone I've got a bit of a hold over, in any sense of the word. Need that, right now.

Need.

Funny thing, need.

Never really been a fan of it.