*sighs softly*

On that topic more than any other, I wish people would remember that it's not a one-answer issue. Hell, it's not a one-person issue. Apparently I was wrong, and I'm going to post an entry that's at least somewhat long.

There is another in here, I know you know her. There are very few subjects on which she IS the majority vote, but those subjects should, by now, be quite clear. This is one of them. This has always been one of them. She EXISTS because of this one.

Do you think that something I casually say is going to bind her? Do you think that not consulting her, not mentioning her, half the time pretending she doesn't exist, means she's automatically going to start doing what you want, when you want? Do you think...

...do you think she isn't real?

Do you think it's all in my head?

I asked Becca if there was a difference. She can see the change in colors. There is a difference. Kadin can tell the difference 99 times out of 100. He can feel it, hear it. It frightens him at times. There is a difference.

And yet... and yet you seem to think that when it's convenient for you, there is only me. It really hurts to be reminded of how you view me because It Is Incorrect. It hurts to know that you don't accept something this basic, this core-deep in my self-awareness. It hurts because this is not something I can change for you, and not something I would change for you if I could, yet you want it changed.

Did I lie to you?

No. I'd be perfectly happy if it had stayed distant.

Did she lie to you?

No. You didn't ask her.

The most essential fact of my existance is tied in with this... the reason I have survived, the reason I can cope, the reason I am who I am.

*sighs softly* I wish you could accept me.