Letter to Torian
Previous - this entry written on September 04, 2007 at 2:09 pm - Next
*sighs* Picking on you? Love, I was trying my best to make sure that even if I forgot everyone and everything else, that I mentioned you, because you've told me it bothers you when I don't. I was seriously sleep-deprived, catnaps on floors do NOT equal good sleep, in a lot of pain, tired, frustrated, confused, excited, pleased, wishing I was still pregnant, glad I wasn't still pregnant, sore, predatory, baffled, aroused, six zillion emotions which no, I know you can't predict or somehow sense. I'm sorry, pet. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable; if anything, I was trying desperately (and failing, apparently) to make up for my missed post earlier.
Torian, I love you a lot, and I am an idiot sometimes. I truly am sorry. I won't poke at you, will give you space, until you want to talk to me again.
...yes, I do expect you to keep following orders, mad at me or not. It's about 2:00 in the afternoon here, I just woke up about an hour ago, have eaten, gotten some caffeine, washed my face... and am still tired enough that I'm going back to bed. If you call, Cate will wake me, or at least try to, I can't promise not to fishstick again. *sheepish* And love? While I am sorry that you were hurt by my posts, I want you to know that yours hurt me too.
"I guess I shouldn't have expected much. This makes me not want to continue doing this daily post thing anymore."
Hon, that stung a lot. We both get snarky when we're hurt, it's no surprise this got dramatic, and I fully admit that much of the drama was mine. Please take responsibility for your part in it too.
I miss you.
Yes, I could have emailed this, made it private... but since I DID fuck up in public, I am apologizing publicly as well. You know how much pride that costs me, t'lesh, and I wouldn't do it if I didn't love you, didn't understand that you were hurt, didn't want to try to make it better.
We'll talk again, when you're ready. Until then, know that I love you, and that you are still Mine, like it or not. *wry grin*
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