Life Is No Cabaret
Previous - this entry written on September 12, 2007 at 5:15 pm - Next

If you, any of you who read this, get a chance, listen to "Sing" by the Dresden Dolls. I want to share this song with as many people as I can. It needs to be shared.

We were up all night, fuzzed and wandering, and before the sun rose we started packing things for a trip to the river. Rooster Rock specifically, the best nude beach in Oregon as far as I'm concerned. The water gets lovely and warm by midday, and even before then it's not half-bad. The morning started out overcast but cleared up enough before we left that Cate and I both look like lobsters... sunburn city, yeesh.

I finally got a chance to read "Night Watch", one of the few Discworld books that I hadn't gotten to until now. Rhia had a copy and she loaned it to me. I may end up reading it again, even... it was pretty intense. Made me think a lot, made me laugh, and cry, and just generally feel ok about life.

Cate is sleeping in the bedroom, Angel is nearly-sleeping, possibly actually asleep by now, on the beanbag in the living room, Cleo is in heat and Alex is trying his best to screw her senseless, and I've just finished first a shower, then an email to Torian, and now am relaxing. Deep breaths, nothing I have to do Right Now, it's all good.

Tomorrow I have an appointment to see the spine doctor at 1:15... apparently they had left messages, I just never got them. *twitch* Starting to become a little bit fed up with Rhia-and-company's talent for misplacing things of importance to me. But I do have an appointment, it sounds like there IS proof of something wrong with my spine, and yeah, tomorrow should be interesting, to say the least. I'm going with Deborah, since that seems to turn out far better than going alone or with Cate.

She's beautiful, Angel is. Having her sleeping nearby is something that always makes me feel... peaceful? Content, at least. Nothing can be too wrong with the world if she's sleeping comfortably.

One day, I swear I will get all of the people I care about in the same city. Ideally, the same house even. And I'll fall asleep knowing that EVERYONE who matters more to me than myself is safe, nearby, and happy about that. It will be amazing. It's been a long time since I really felt that; almost always, there's been at least one person in another state, another country even, and so there's always a background hum in my brain of worry and care and affection.

Just once, I want to be able to SEE that everyone I love is alive and well and sleeping peacefully. If I could ask for anything for birthdays and christmasses and so forth, this would be it. This is something that is technically possible, less complicated than wishing for a miracle cure or a million dollars, and it's the thing I want more than anything else in the world. I want to see everyone I love, to know that they're all for at least a moment content, to walk through the house early in the morning and see everyone important to me asleep in their beds.

The list...

both Scotts
all my hamsters

There are other people I care about, yes, but most of them are really the responsibility of someone else and in the case of, say, my father, it would be weird to have him over at the same time as everyone else, y'know? Or they're like the stray, where I've not put enough of a claim on them to make it necessary to include them, but they would be welcome additions.

But that's the list. I'm 28 - two more years and I'll be 30. That's what I want for my 30th birthday, as many people (and animals) from that list as is humanly possible, all in one place, where I can see them. That's the only gift I'm asking for. Let me see the people I love. That's what would make me happy, that's what I want more than anything else in the world, that's the dream that keeps me waking up each day and lets me sleep each night.

That's my pack. People that I trust to at least some degree, people that I miss when they're not here, people that I can honestly say I love, or worry about, or need, or desire, or just really like having around. Those are the people who need to be notified if anything ever happens to me. Those are the people that I would trust to care for me.

Some of them have never met, some of them haven't even heard much about others, some of them are close friends, some are passing acquaintances, but the one thing they all have in common is me. I know it's not a lot, but hey. *wry grin* I like to think that I'm important.

Gonna go now, tired of typing, sunburnt to a bright red crisp, and there's still the rest of the day ahead of me.

Enjoy your life, m'friends. Every second of it, enjoy it.

Today, I'm enjoying mine.

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