I'm apparently still sick - no, that's not what's strange, just an incidental report. The strangeness is the train of thought I've been on all night. Memories, most of it... the bus arriving early, webcams, conversations on WoW, sitting at Stream trying not to cry, the taste of blood, the sinking feeling... gods, that feeling, and I had to pretend everything was ok, that it was all fine, that I didn't mind...

...I bitch a lot about how annoying memory loss is, but to be perfectly honest, if it'd just take some of THOSE memories away, I think I'd mind it a lot less. Most of the time I'm fine, these days; I can't ever claim to be unemotional but time and distance can make nearly any ache fade to a reasonable point. Most of the time.

Occasionally though, there are moments where it's all I can do not to start screaming, or burst into tears, or just log offline and STAY offline for a few weeks, see if maybe that makes it easier to deal with again.

Yes, this is one of those moments.

I'm going the fuck to bed.