Tell me all your thoughts on god...
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Yeah, I've used this entry title before. Honestly, the entry I want to write is one that this title would fit, an in-depth discussion of what I Believe and what I Hope and what I Fear...

...but I'll save that for some time when I'm writing to Rhett or talking with Angel or off in the woods with Nyha and Tiana. I couldn't find the words right now even though I want to, I've tried, it's just not ~there~. Meh.

Tomorrow the check clears. Tomorrow I have my neurology appointment. Tomorrow I'll be curled up in a coffeeshop somewhere with the laptop, I hope, with time and peace and painkillers, and I can start finding words for what's important again. Today... today I'll be lucky if I can make it to the audition for Scream at the Beach, and luckier still if I can make it through the whole day the way I intend to. I've got two oranges and a small cantaloupe, a tiny plum, some dried cranberries, and if I want anything more solid I'll make rice and eat it fairly plain, though I might toss in some broccoli or peas. I'm letting myself drink soda while I do this 'cos we're out of cranberry juice and the concentrated stuff we have is just as sugary and bad for me as soda without the benefit of caffeine and it's too complicated to try and make iced tea just at the moment. *shrug*

I'll be setting up the scale today, too. I'm going to allow myself to enjoy Thursday, Friday, and Saturday to excess, and Sunday I'm going back to rice and fruit. Monday I'll add vegetables and fish. Friday and Saturday are splurge days, then back to rice and fruit Sunday, Monday veggies, fish, lamb, and other grains, and keep that up through all of September. No dairy on non-splurge days, no soda if I have cranberry juice, unsweetened or honey-sweetened fruit juice, or iced tea available. No candy unless it's good chocolate that someone else is eating anyway and offers me a piece, 'cos I'm not going to pass up on good chocolate.

It's not going to be easy by any means, and yes, if I'm stuck somewhere where I have to choose between not eating for more than 12 hours or eating something not on my list, fuck it, I'm not going to starve myself. I did yesterday on fruit though, I know I can do today on fruit and rice, and with the check clearing we'll have money for more fruit and veggies, and hopefully I can keep the rest of the household from having stuff around that will tempt me too much.

Fridays and Saturdays are splurge days 'cos those are also usually days when we're out and about all day, or staying up late and getting drunk/stoned/fuzzed/caffeinated-and-sleep-deprived/etc. which makes menu planning somewhat difficult, and 'cos I know that if I can't have red meat occasionally or maybe have a shake or a frappucinno before Rocky I'll go mad. *wry grin* I'm doing this partly to help lower my calorie intake and partly to shut my doctor up - I figure if I can stick to this diet, not binge too much on weekends, and with the painkillers I'll be getting tomorrow hopefully, I'll be at a weight I'm not embarassed to see on a chart by Solstice.

Oh, and yes, I AM planning to finally purchase that cage I've had my eye on. *amused* It'll be a nice touch in the Abraham Lincoln Suite.

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