Into The West
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Lay down,
your sweet and weary head.
Night is falling.
You have come to journey’s end.

Sleep now, and dream
of the ones who came before.
They are calling,
from across a distant shore.

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see.
All of your fears will pass away.
Safe in my arms,
you’re only sleeping.

What can you see,
on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea,
a pale moon rises.
The ships have come,
to carry you home.

And all will turn,
to silver glass.
A light on the water.
All souls pass.

Hope fades,
Into the world of night.
Through shadows falling,
Out of memory and time.

Don’t say,
We have come now to the end.
White shores are calling.
You and I will meet again.
And you’ll be here in my arms,
Just sleeping.

What can you see,
on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea,
a pale moon rises.
The ships have come,
to carry you home.

And all will turn,
to silver glass.
A light on the water.
Grey ships pass
Into the West.

I miss you so much tonight... miss you in ways I don't think I could dare to say to you, were you here beside me. Weakness. Foolish. Pointless.

Undeniable. Overwhelming. Endless.

I miss you like I would miss cool water on my lips, a breeze to cool my skin, the taste of blood, the sound of my own heartbeat... or the sound of yours. Even that simple sound, I can remember it. My memory constantly fails me, but I can remember the sound of your heartbeat as we held each other. I no longer wonder if there was some way to make this less painful. I guess it's progress. I sometimes go entire weeks without waking up suddenly, turning to look at you, reaching...

...and you're not there.

If I told this to you, you'd assume I was just pouring out pretty words, or trying to somehow mindfuck you into something, or... gods, I don't even have TIME to list all the things I suspect with some justificaton you'd think. The simple fact is that I am still left hollow without you. I wish it were otherwise; I pray it never changes. I couldn't bear forgetting you.

I love you. I miss you.

My computer is being moved over from the condo tonight. My mind is rather unpleasantly shadowed. Meh.

And YES, I'm taking the anti-depressants still. This is me on painkillers, antidepressants, seizure medication, blood pressure medication... I should be relaxed, happy, comfortable. Instead I'm tense, aching, melancholy, and still in enough pain that walking across a room leaves me with spots in my vision and my spine on fire for a good half-hour. Tell me that's not fucked up. *sigh*

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