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Previous - this entry written on February 25, 2002 at 9:26 am - Next Make me feel like a beggar Make me feel like a thief Make me feel like a battle, that cannot end in peace Make me feel like running, as if I've lost my nerve Make me feel like crying, tears I don't deserve Please bleed So I know that you are real So I know that you can feel The damage that you've done Who have I become To myself I am none I am none I am none Is this really living sometimes it's hard to tell Or is this a kind of gentler hell Turn out the lights And let me stare into your soul I was born and bled for you old Please bleed So I know that you are real So I know that you can feel The damage that you've done Who have I become To myself I am none I am none I am none Never said thank you Never said please Never gave reason to believe So as it stands I remain on my knees Good lovers make great enemies Please bleed So I know that you are real So I know that you can feel The damage that you've done Who have I become To myself I am none I am none I am none Please bleed So I know that you are real So I know that you can feel The damage that you've done Who have I become To myself I am none I am none I am none Yeah. That's about how it feels, isn't it? And it amazes me that I can trust so much and doubt so much, this horrid confusion, it's a maddening mask that I can't seem to take off, I swear under it all I know what I want and what I need, why can't I just take it? Tell me that, answer me that, you owe me that answer for this torture. Why can't I just take what I want from you? I've ripped apart so many people, I've torn them apart and put them together, beaten them down and lifted them up, but it's been my hands and my heart and my hate and my blood doing the job, it's been my will. And then you come along and I stand here speechless, songs spinning out of control with the words I can't quite find, my hands out and I think maybe bound, they must be bound, why else aren't I holding you, wrapping you 'round with those steel threads I take such pride in? I've got songs scratching through my mind, claws out unsheathed poison-tipped, and it's all for you, beautiful, all for you, this love and hate and frustration and fear, gods, it's fear I feel, it's for you. Call it a gift. If I could only find my strength and my resolve again it would be the last gift you would get, you'd earn the rest of your life one heart-wrenching moment at a time, you'd beg on your knees for breath and life, for tears and death, for anything that amused me, you'd keep spilling out words and desperation as long as I let you speak, no more hiding behind your masks... ...sorry, don't mind me, sanity stepped out for a drink, I'm thirsty I guess, that bottle of water... ...it's not what I did, it's not what I didn't... or is that how it goes? I don't care. Music, music, spin me round and down I go, and you're waiting at the edge of the cliff to see me tumbling down... ...erm. Ok. That's enough of that. *blinks a bit* Mental note, Jax - do NOT read a good twenty S/X slashfic involving past lives, multiple personalities, tears, depression, death, and a hell of a lot of mango chutney, and then expect to be rational when the delicious morsel you'd finally gotten a taste of suddenly disappears. Goddess knows YOU have disappeared in the middle of things often enough, you practically make a habit out of it, so calm the hell down, go get a soda, and maybe some sleep. It's fucking 9:30 in the morning, why the hell aren't you in bed? Oh. Nightmares. Yeah. Ok, so that's why you're awake and why that precious taste meant so much and why you're so frustrated, you have an excuse, good for you. Fuck off anyway. You're irritating. You're whining. And frankly, you're REALLY in need of a girl curled up in your bed for a while. Forget the whole guy thing, they're just trouble, even that one, yes. Go hunt down Tanya and tie her to the bed for a few hours. See? I knew you'd like that idea. *grins* So stop writing already. ... ... ... ... ...thank you. Hosted by Diaryland - All Rights Reserved - Image, Layout, and Content copyright Jax Raven - - Do Not Feed The Moose - |
