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Previous - this entry written on 2001-08-08 at 11:53 p.m. - Next I'm planning a lot of things right now. Planning a way to get back the deliciousness that I'd a taste of earlier. Planning my next moves with Tash. Planning ways to keep in contact with my soon-to-be-absent kitten. Planning to visit Slash soon and speak with him. Planning what I'll do, what I'll say, when there's a Tygrrr listening. Planning my own demise, so to speak... ...I'm in more than a little bit of a masochistic mood, a mood I've been in quite emphatically over the last few days. I've been tempted to go play fuck-me-stupid online, to see what I can get... I've been tempted to get myself in trouble just to see what will happen... I've been tempted to try my best to get hurt. I want to be hurt, yes... but I want to be hurt in VERY specific ways. It's a long story. AND I WANT IT TO STOP. That's why I miss this - because if I get it fast enough, hard enough, coldly enough, then I stop needing it for a while. This is a good thing. See, I'm not into being submissive. It's not what I want, it's not who I am. It's not ME. It's just this nasty irrational mood that I get in occasionally, and the sooner I get it to leave, the better. I don't want it. I don't want it... and I do need it... and this is a bit of a problem for me.
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