...I'm listening to "Closing Time", one of many of his songs that hits me just there... I've emails to write. Things to say, to do... I've a life to live.

"Can't say much has happened since... I swear it happened just like this, a sigh, a cry, a hungry kiss, the gates of love they budged an inch..."

And I'm dreaming again.

Thinking of hundreds of might-have-beens... wondering what's going to happen next. Wondering where my life is going.

"Declaring that your body's really, really, really..."

"Looks like freedom but it feels like death, something in between I guess..."

I'm missing Kadin quite a bit right now. Thinking about Alex, the Al-X one, wondering if he's going to write... it makes me miss my boy even more. Makes me think a lot about why I appreciate kitten, why I treasure Nick, why I am head-over-heels for Caleb and what it is I see in Alex... I love my boys.

I seem to have started including Dai in that. He... gods. He's wonderful. *wry grin* I've only known him what, a few months? And already I'm head over heels for him as well. Four now.

But then, he's far away and odds are good he'll have his own life, I'm a distraction and I don't know for how long... I hope for a long time.

I miss him.

Didn't get to talk to him today.

Funny... even a day goes by without talking with him and I feel... just that little bit more hollow. 's like not talking to Kadin, or Nick... or Caleb... gods, I can't IMAGINE going a full day without talking to Caleb in some way, it seems nightmareish to even consider it. *shudders*

Winamp is playing happy music for me, things I can bop to, things that leave me smiling... which is well and good, I just finished watching "A Knight's Tale" and oooh.... pretty pretty pretty people. *grins* Very wicked, most of 'em. I want to be the blacksmith. I want to fuck the villain. I want to see the prettyboy hero in a collar and in tears. I want...

...eh, but that's nothing new.

When do I not want something?

*hugs her boys, hugs her friends, hugs the universe, and pads off to play Chrono Trigger for a while, loosing herself in the joys of silly video-game RPG*

"You could hear it on the AM Radio... you could hear the music on the AM Radio..."