'Allowed' my arse. I know how it feels to 'allow' something like that, I know WHY it feels that way, I know it because dammit, I've BEEN there.

More alike than you know.

Said that... a long time ago... parallel lives, and was I kidding? Nope.

Not in the slightest.

So. Well. SHIT.

Sucks to be a role model, doesn't it? Sucks to know, or even think, that just maybe what you do has a serious effect on what others do. I... things you've said, I sometimes wondered if you saw me like that on occasion. And if you hadn't figured out that I saw you that way, you were blind and deaf. *sighs*

But... this?

And no warning.

Geez.

No, I take that back. Four different emails, you hinted at something like this, and I brushed it off completely, decided I was just imagining things, seeing what I wanted to see.

Yeah, wanted. Deal with it. My pet fantasies are... incidental, now.

I won't...

Gods.

So now what? I... Daya. But then, I knew where I stood what, a year ago? Disposable. *faint amusement* And you just proved that quite nicely.

See, I also know something else. I know how good it feels, and how important it can be, and how useful. I know how much control it gives you - yes, gives YOU - if you play it right against the man in question. I know what it means, what it can mean, and what it shouldn't mean but sometimes does. I know all that.

Is... no.

No, I'm just going to stop this entry right here.

I'd say I wish you luck with it, but - again with the knowing - I know that won't help.

I'll be here, I always am. Let me know when it hurts too much. I'll listen.

I always do.

Yeah, I'll get your stuff back to you. Had it with me on Wednesday. Thought I could hand it over then... yeah.

*curls up in a very small ball*