"Still can't fathom how come I have such deep feelings for him... maybe Jax would understand, i read her diaries and she has similar on line relationships though we are polar opposites, she is a mistress and I am a slave. The old question is an un-owned slave, a slave?"

Had that discussion with a lot of people... is an unowned housecat still a housecat? Is an unowned book still a book? *shrugs* Yes... but they aren't slaves.

A slave exists to be owned, to be used, to be treasured... it's not just like an unowned book, it is a book that isn't read, isn't scribbled in, isn't even used to start a fire with. You tend to think of it using terms like 'worthless' or 'unwanted'... at least you would if you are the book.

On the other hand, if you are a collector of rare books you know that often you find all sorts of treasures in the backs of knick-knack stores, in attics, tossed away, forgotten, unread... wonderful things, books you are proud to have found, proud to own even if they've passed through a hundred hands before your own, even if they've sat in a box for years.

A slave IS a slave. Maybe, if he or she is unowned, not a very useful slave... and certainly it's hard to take pride in oneself when ya feel useless. But that doesn't make you any less a slave. It doesn't make you any less willing to serve, any less certain of what you are or what you desire, any less aware of your place and your needs and your hopes and your dreams.

Being unowned isn't pleasant. It isn't fun. It isn't easy.

But then again, being owned isn't always pleasant and fun and easy too.

*shrugs*

The thing is, it's WORTH the wait, to find the right owner. It's WORTH the wait if you are treasured and prized, taught and disciplined, loved and cared for, when all is said and done.

You don't have to be owned to be a slave... but it's no surprise that an unowned slave questions her worth sometimes. Everyone does, whether they are slave or Mistress, free or owned.

Ok. Now I'm done being all philosophical... and missing my boys even more now, dammit. *pouts*