Scope procedure postponed until the 30th - serious panic attack, and they won't be able to partially sedate me until then.

No paperwork filled out - I came home, ate my first solid food in 24+ hours, and passed out until about 45 minutes ago; too late for paperwork.

MUST go tomorrow.

*sighs a lot*

Seriously and yet again, I don't want to be here alone. Too tempting to write, too tempting to drink, too tempting to slip into otherworld one way or another... and the only ways I have left are unsafe ways. *sighs* VERY unsafe ways.

But... if they get me there...

...I understand people who have to be strangled in order to cum. I know sometimes that it can take just THAT much to get you there.

Been there, done that.

So yeah, the question remains: HOW to go about slipping out of this reality for a while, and just how certain do I want to be that I'll be coming back? Because I can damned well leave. It's the getting back that's going to be tricky, I think.

Erp.

Trying not to get depressed, because that NEVER leads to good decisions. Trying to come up with some way to go slipping without drink, drugs, or other harmful stubstances... meditation hasn't worked since the heavy-duty pain set in last october-ish. *shrugs* And sex... ehh. That involves someone else here to guide me through it, or at least share the moment. Masturbation only goes so far.

I'm going away now. Gonna find something to relieve this tension, gonna find a new way to ease my pain... *sings off-key, pads off, stage left*

...and yeah, "Locked In A Cage" is still stuck in my head. It's just got "Bloodsport" added to it now.