This is the ultimate fuck-you song, if you DON'T want heavy metal of some sort. No screaming. No ranting. Just irrational, perfect, sweet derangement and anger, spinning down to the odd sounds of something that's almost a polka, almost a war-cry, and almost something out of a nightmare... but fortunately, without the caliope.

---

Eels - Mr. E's Beautiful Blues

Want to cheer up? Want to convince yourself that the world really isn't going to fuck with you today, just because it's a nice day, that maybe this time you'll get away with being human? This'll help, every time... and hey, it's a great depression song too.

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Butthole Surfers - Pepper

Music to scream to, it really is. It'll take you on a roller-coaster that won't bring you back up, just shove you into the same mood that the Berserkers might have known, a rage so deliciously pure that it doesn't matter what you do, it all feels good.

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Heather Alexander - Black Jack's Lady

This one is a femme song, sorry guys... but if you know a femdom, a bitch, or even a redhead, this is still worth hearing. And hey, at least it'll keep you honest. Girls, this is NOT the song to play on your wedding day... your wedding night, perhaps, just to make SURE he behaves... *grin*

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Cake - Sheep Go To Heaven

Here's a song that's perfect if you were raised Christian, folks. This is the ultimate. The pinnacle. The one sure way to send yourself to hell. *blows you all a kiss* I'll meet you there, 'k? Yes, it's a rather silly song, but damn, it's fun. And it's not really THAT bad... but... well, if you were raised Christian, you'll understand the humor.

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Green Day - Blood Sex & Booze

Nothing can top this for sheer smug bitchiness, but it's a man singing, goddess knows how they managed this one but Green Day pulled off a true miracle. This is a song I want to have sex to... or perhaps more accurately, I want to fuck someone while listening to this song. Should tell you something about it.

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Concrete Blonde - Bloodletting

Concrete Blonde - Tomorrow, Wendy

I really can't explain these, other than to say that if you're going to bother getting one, get both, you'll need one to balance the other. Hunger and hell. Love and lust. Angels and demons and a girl called Wendy... let's hear it for the shades of Peter Pan!

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Marilyn Manson - Dope Show

This is a song that makes me, without fail, get so wet that I can barely walk, so turned on that the slightest touch will set me on edge. This is a song I'd strip to. A song I'd fuck to. A song I'd die to, easily... play this at my wake, someone. It'll make me VERY f'ing happy.

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Finger Eleven - Costume For A Gutterball

Here's your chance to taste insanity, pretty people. Taste it, drink it in, and survive it... not an experience very many people can claim, but this song'll put you through it, send you through the wringer, leave you drowning, gasping, helpless and almost unable to pull yourself back, but somehow... somehow you make it through. Just like life, neh?

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Poe - Angry Johnny

Oh, now here's one of my favorites. I dedicated this to several people over the years, in my fits of lust and bouts of rage and moments when I wanted to die myself. You know who you are, most of you... or should. Who else would I love this much, hate this much, need so much that my thoughts revolved around you? *grin* Call it an ego boost and leave it alone.

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Eagles - Hotel California

This one should need no explanation... but let's just say that there are a couple lines that hit me every time. "We are all prisoners here / of our own device" is one of them... "Then she lifted up a candle / and she showed me the way"... Angel, again. Still. Always. ...And an entire stanza: "Her mind is Tiffany-twisted / she's got the Mercades bends / she's got a lot of pretty, pretty boys / that she calls friends / and they dance in the courtyard / sweet summer sweat / some dance to remember / some dance to forget"... Yeah. Me. Thank you.

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Alanis Morisette - Thank U

Because I would. I could. I have. I can't. I won't. I didn't. I should. An infinite number of things. Go ahead, listen... I'll bet you'll see yourself somewhere, peering past one of the lines, your eyes wide, worried... then suddenly happy. Content. S'ok.

---

Enough of this for now. Enough music. Enough tears. Enough thinking. I want somewhere to be. Someone to see. Someone to talk to, to hug, to hold... is this how it feels to be alone? Odd... I must be alone a lot. I want this often. I need this often.

"How about me enjoying the moment for once..."

Thank you, Alanis. Thank you, a lot of people.

I... gah.

I have no words. I don't want 'em. I want a hand in my hair, I want a boy at my feet, I want white chocolate and red blood and the black of eyes deep enough to drown in, pure enough to burn with a glance. I want.

I want.

I want.

Times like this, I start wondering if I exist. "I want, therefor I am," just doesn't seem right. Eh... if I do exist, will someone tell me, please? It'd help me out a lot.

Thank you, again.

Thank you, disillusionment.

Thank you, nothingness.

Thank you, clarity.

Thank you, thank you, silence.

Yeah.