Not an emotion I end up feeling all that often. Guilt? Hell yes, that one I've got by the bucketfull. But not shame. Never that. CERTAINLY not that.

Except today.

Today I'm getting a nice big helping of it, and it is deserved.

I try not to break my promises but I'm not perfect. I try to be at least somewhat faithful to the people who matter to me, but I'm not perfect. I'm glad that the ones I care about most understand my imperfections and can forgive them.

In this case, I broke a promise to Elru... to Nick. Something... half-playful, in a way. But still a promise and still a committment that I'd intended to keep.

What was this promise? No. That's my business. Did I break it willingly? I didn't fight when it was broken, which is much the same thing. I knew he expected better of me and it would not have been impossible to keep my word. Difficult, yes... but if it was easy, it wouldn't mean as much, would it?

So I'm feeling ashamed. He's forgiven me, and I am glad for it... but the shame won't go away until I can prove to myself, no one else, that I can keep my word this time.

And prove I will.

I've made him a promise and I'll stick to it, dammit. I love him, and it is the least I can do.