Yes, if you keep up with Vicki's journal as well as mine, you've likely guessed just who it is who is, as she put it, hating her with right to do so. *shrugs again* It's between... well, not between her and I exactly. I've found out what I wanted to know, said what I wanted to say, and at this point I have faith in the rest of those in my life to actually take a look at facts before getting upset over any of this for long.

Some of the things she's said did more than just bother me. We... ehh. I guess you could say the affair is over? *wry grin* I know Grr, or did somewhat, and I do know me, and I think it's likely that we'll end up talking again eventually, if only because we both wander over to ZooHouse occasionally and both occasionally show up at Rocky, etc.

However, if/when that happens, it'll not be for a while yet. She's hurt and I'm hurt and quite a few other people on the edges of this (or in at least two cases, somewhat in the middle of it) got hurt a bit in the process too... that's not something that can just be 'gotten over'.

I've said it before and I will say it yet again: every time I really, completely start to trust someone I don't own or don't at least have the possibility of owning... boom. Hurt.

Over and f'ing over again.

Has anyone I've owned hurt me like this? NO. Never. Some of them have accidentally upset me, some of them have displeased me, but... never like this. Never this deeply.

And never in a way that also hurt my mate and one of my lovers and the family that might as well be my own.

That's what gets me. See, attack me? I get pissed, get defensive, get violent, whatever. Then it blows over 'cause honestly, I am drugged and ferret-natured, and five minutes later have half-forgotten why I was angry in the first place.

But hurt one of mine and you've just gotten yourself put on the list of people I DON'T forget for a damned long time. *sighs*

Don't want to be angry at someone who was up until yesterday one of my best friends.

And in 24 hours, maybe less, likely I won't be... not about anything that she did or said that affected my life. Not even about broken trust - like I said, I should have known better.

No. I'm pissed because this hurt my boy. Don't do that. EVER. No one. Caleb is one of the few truly GOOD people in the world, and I love him, and he is mine, and hurting him is NOT acceptable, for any reason or in any way. I'm the only one who gets to do that, and THAT only because I do everything in my power to help and heal as well as hurt.

Anyway. I'm still fighting with OHP and with the Kaiser Pharmacy... I AM going to get my meds today somehow, I am NOT going to let this go wrong too. *wry grin* Not that I really have much to say about it at this point - there is a wonderful lady named Lisa who has spent most of the day on the phone with OHP on my behalf, arguing and fighting and beating their computers up for me. *grins* Which is good since the computers and OHP people sure as hell don't listen when it's ME on the phone.

Apparently they think that because I am sick and broke, I must be stupid and not-an-english-speaker too. Err.

Not gonna say goodbye... because I'm still holding on to hope that somehow, this will all work out.

I know. Optimism is a disease of the narrow-minded and unimaginative. Sorry. It was contageous.