Ditto email.

Oh, Grr... got your button done. JediGold, working on yours. Nick, Kaj, I'll have yours done soon if you want them... anyone else out there in the mood for a new look and don't feel like being celery-traditional?

If you don't get that, don't ask. S'ok.

Anyway. I told you I had written stuff on the Palm while at Subway... here it is:

--- Part One ---

I'm writing on my palm pilot again. This time I'm in a subway, watching from a distance a cutie who last night gave me cookies, and tonight looks truly miserable and doesn't recognize me.

Eh... I really shouldn't be surprised. After all, this is my luck... and I've already got one lesbian to date. Do I really need another? Admittedly, she's cute... her hair looks dark, but with blond streaks in it. Her eyes are deep, and currently so sad that I want to take her home and pet her. Her lips... gods. I could write sonnets to those lips.

She's beautiful.

And I am a coward.

I freely admit it, and wish that I didn't feel like such a wuss. She's gorgeous, and I have the feeling that if I could just find the words, I would be able to take her home indeed. Treat her. Pet her. Snuggle her, perhaps? She'd be sub, no one with eyes that hungry and that sad can be Domme without effort. It's... gods. Heartbreaking. Elfin features, she looks so fey... her hair tied back, her eyes gleaming, she's got on purple eyeshadow that matches the horrible subway shirt she's wearing.

She's beautiful.

And I am a coward.

This bears repeating.

Ach... at least I've eaten. more than I should have, at that... when I first got here she was not here and two of my stamps were outdated, so I just got a footlong and ate it. Now had eight stamps and she came in off of break... so I got another 6" sandwich. Too much food, I feel like a pig, but it's so NICE to eat...

...yes. I do eat too much, and focus on food a lot. It's been a comfort for years - thank you mother. When I was little she would reward me not with praise or hugs or toys, but with foo. Guess what sorts of nifty things that does to me now? Yeps.

Food is now a comfort thing. Reassurance.

And I am plump, much as I hate it. Not horribly so, and I've nice large breasts and pretty eyes to make up for it.

But still. FAT. There, I've said it.

And usually I joke about it or just don't care, but... today, seeing her, seeing how beautiful I'm NOT... it stings a bit. As if maybe I'd have the courage I need, if I were just a few pounds lighter...

--- Part Two ---

Megan Wolfe. That's her name.

I just thought you'd like to know. And maybe if she (or someone who knows her) stumbles across this, I'll blush and deny it all. Eh... she's not likely to find this. I'm sure she never goes online. I'm sure she belittles the internet.

I'm sure that the fact that I am in sandals, faded black jeans, and a Furc shirt puts her off.

I'm sure I am fat.

I'm sure I am hideous.

i'm sure she is beautiful... tight white jeans and big black lace-up boots.

I'm hungry still, even after the food, even after the drink... hungry for contact. It's going to be almost a relief to go to Slash, to curl up and be small. It'll be heaven when I get home, holding Caleb, loving him, talking with him.

It'll be necessary, talking to Kitten.

Talking with him.

Making sure he's ok.

I will try not to put pressure on him... I hope he did miss me.

I hope he doesn't say 'it's over' online.

I hope he doesn't realize how easily he could break me apart right now. I want to say I've given him that... but it's not true. It wasn't a gift, it was simply, instinctively, completely there. Nothing I can do to change it.

I love him.

I need him.

Pathetic, isn't it?