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Previous - this entry written on June 05, 2002 at 10:32 am - Next Down the Via Dolorosa in Jerusalem that day The soldiers tried to clear the narrow street But the crowd pressed in to see A Man condemned to die on Calvary He was bleeding from a beating there were stripes upon His back And He wore a crown of thorns upon His head And He bore with every step The scorn of those who cried out for His death Down the Via Dolorosa called the way of suffering Like a lamb came the Messiah Christ the King But He chose to walk that road out of His love for you and me Down the Via Dolorosa, all the way to Calvary Lyrics quoted from "Via Dolorosa", by Sandi Patti... yep, that's right, I'm quoting Christian Lyrics. Deal with it. I like the song... and it's a decent enough lead-in for a rather serious set of subjects. I've got a bit more quoting I'm going to throw in... not of Christian songs, but of an email from a different sort of Song alltogether. Actually, let me pop it in here, but first I want to explain WHY I'm putting it in. There's a couple subjects that I don't quite know how to talk about, often. One of them is the submissive side of a BDSM relationship - Little Kajira has enough to say about that normally, I try not to let that side of myself out often in this journal, putting it there instead, sometimes. But courtesy of this letter, I was reminded that it would be a good subject to go over. The other thing I don't often talk about is WHY it is I find someone else's pain to be such a precious thing. Sure, I've given the poetic answer, and the 'shut up, I don't care' answer... but I think I'd like to give a serious, complete answer for a change. The email was sent by a submissive who reads my journal... no, I've never met her or talked to her... I ~think~ it's a her, anyway. I could be wrong, and if I am, I apologise. *sheepish* No pronouns in the whole thing that are gender-specific... but it's feminine in tone, or so it seems to me. Anyway, the letter: "Sometimes submissives don't fail when you think we do... "we test. "we push. "we deliberately disobey. "we want to see what you'll do. Will you pass our little tests? Will you push back? Will you cast us off as if everything we had worked so hard for amounts to nothing? Will you take the time to discipline properly - to mete out appropriate consequences? Will you think that we're worth the time and effort it will take to do so? "we want consequences. "Consequences make us feel secure. They help us to know our place. They remind us of why we are here, doing this thing that we do with you." YES. And yes, and yes again. You would think, if you are someone who has never been 'into' BDSM, that the submissive could just say 'hey, I need to be beaten' or something similar. Let me be the first to point out the flaws in this idea. It's very difficult for a submissive to articulate his or her need for such a thing. Even when you know the person you are talking to is into kink, enjoys beating you, etc. it can still be difficult to convince yourself that it's ok to make requests, partcularly such odd requests as that. Part of the comfort and pleasure found in punishment, in physical pain, in anything from a spanking to a whipping, is that for the submissive, it is visible and tactile proof that attention is being paid to them and that their Dom/me cares about them, teaching them, giving them those consequences... when you have to ASK for it, it takes a lot of that away. A good Dom/me can often recognize their sub's need for punishment and correction without the sub saying a word - and that's the best way for it. The final flaw would be one that any Dom/me would be happy to point out: when they are asking for it, it's just not as satisfying for us! Most tops enjoy at least the illusion of either nonconsensual play or complete control... if the little darling is asking and getting, it's not nearly as much fun as when he or she is wriggling and thrashing and begging for mercy. *wry grin* Ack... and I am being distracted by various IMs... *chuckles slightly* ...the universe is full of people who seem determined to tease me, right now. Fun for the Dom/me... which loops quite nicely into a bit of a brief explanation of WHY submission is such a precious thing. I've mentioned the trust aspect - that I find it easier to trust someone who holds that role, etc... I've certainly made no attempt to hide the fact that it turns me on... but what is it about submission that makes it stand out, as it were? You know how when you were little, you could draw some crappy picture and your parents went nuts over it? Or how last Christmas, the gift that you liked the best was the one that was given because it was exactly what you wanted, or was made with love and care by someone YOU care about? You get the picture here - things are more valuable when they are done with affection, by someone you know cares about you and who you care about. Now add in a second factor: the harder something is to get, the more valuable it is. That's why they limit the diamond market. That's why people collect rare items. That's why a unique gift, something handmade, is more often prized than something mass-produced. Put it all together now... submission is a gift. It is not easy to find, because few people are willing to truly submit and fewer still can actually DO so. It is not easy to give, since it often involves pain, or fear, or humiliation, or so on. It is something given to you by someone who cares for you - it contains love, and sacrifice, and is beautiful because of this. That's what brought the "Via Dolorosa" song to mind, when I was thinking about this topic. The closest thing I can find, to explain why submission is precious, is to point out the whole Christian mythos... Christ giving up his life for the people he loved. Trusting his Father enough to accept the suffering and misery. No, I don't expect my pets to die for me. *shudders* But that... I guess that sense of sacrifice, of giving up something precious to gain something even greater, THAT is what I'm on about. It can involve sex. It can be sensual. It can cover all sorts of kinks and ideas and goals and emotions. But what it boils down to is the world's hugest, most perfect rose, handed to me when I'm feeling down and think I've been forgotten, a kiss to go with it... it is the ultimate gift, always exactly what I wanted, always my size... it is something that I regard as more precious and more meaningful than most legal ceremonies. ...and I'm getting even further distracted... hrm. I think I'll wander off, take my next round of meds, and so on. And if you get a chance, listen to that song? *shrugs* I really do think it's worth hearing. Hosted by Diaryland - All Rights Reserved - Image, Layout, and Content copyright Jax Raven - - Do Not Feed The Moose - |
