Seriously here, I haven't taken ANYTHING since last night, and I am sitting here with my shirtcollar soaked in tears and my stomach in knots and so much pain that every sixth word I am pausing and having to force myself to breathe.

This is so not good and so not right but the doctors keep telling me that 'it will go away' or 'it is normal' or 'you're just imagining it' (that one's the worst) and I HATE THEM ALL.

Why can't they understand that I want it to go away NOW, not later? That it's NOT normal, even if it's usual it's not NORMAL to hurt this much? That I am NOT imagining this, you don't imagine pain this bad, if I could just wish this up I'd be DEAD by now because I wish for that a HELL of a lot more than I wish for pain?

What the FUCK?

Sorry, I'm a bit pissed.

I want to go hide at Grr's. Talk Mana out of some white happiness. Spend at least a few hours somewhere safe, where I'm not hurting and not frightened and not sitting alone staring at a computer screen.

I want to be ok.