Angel.

Ryan.

Kadin.

Becca.

Caleb.

Five people, and so much to say. I'll start with the easiest first: Caleb. He's still in California, still far away, and I still wake up confused that there's not long pale hair and snuggly calebness next to me. I miss him a lot. It's really eating at me now, and although I don't have any perfectly logical explanation for it I'm missing him something aweful. He is my base, keeping me whole and stable... he is my love, and I need him. *shrugs*

Fish, on with the list. Kadin? No... not in here, anyway. The things I'm thinking on that subject are tied and tangled and knotted. I need my boy and I need him soon, or I'm going to start flickering into a stereotype I would REALLY prefer to avoid. *another shrug* He is something and someone that helps balance me.

Speaking of balance, there's Ryan - and courtesy of Ryan there is Becca. Both of them. And yes, I think of them as a pair now, in a way... I care about both of them and am surprisingly glad to have BOTH of them in my life. *poing*

Gladness.

Angel.

We spent most of the night talking, drinking (wine coolers on my part, beer on hers, and I think I have learned to like the taste of beer on someone else's lips now), listening to music... connecting is the best word for it, with communication and touch and those moments when I couldn't speak, could barely even breathe, too wrapped up in the moment and in her.

Gods. It's hard to write this, surprisingly. So much of it, although mattering to me, is going to sound trite or corny when I write it down. It's mattering because it's ME and it's HER, not because it's something new and unique. I'm not the only person who has felt like this, I know.

But... ehh. It matters.

She matters.

That... yeah. That is easily one of the best nights I've ever spent anywhere.

*shrugs once more, pads off to finish dragging cans out and trying not to die of heatstroke*