He's... not doing too well. He's miserable there. He wants to be here.

And I want him here.

It's gotten to the point where I can't get through a single day without thinking of him, missing him, wanting him. I talk about him a lot - I try not to but I can't help it. I miss him.

He's my kitten. My boy. My treasure. My prize. He's the very center of my hungers... he satisfies them.

Yes... gods, yes, I love Caleb and Alex and Nick (who I am worried about - I've not heard anything, I don't have an address to write to, I hope he's ok...). I love them.

I love Kadin too.

And right now Nick is at least somewhere that in theory is supposed to take care of him. Alex is in Oxford with a good job and a reasonably good life. Caleb is here, I can hold him and protect him.

Not Kadin.

He's too far away... I haven't talked to him in so long.

Tonight I'm going to be offline. He's going to call - I'm not quite sure when. But for a lage chunk of time I'll be offline, and I will warn you now, if you call and you're not Kadin, you WILL get hung up on.

I want to talk to my boy.

I want to be sure he's ok.

Everyone else I know, I've some idea of how they are doing, I know that they are... not necessarily ok, but... they are alive. They can heal.

Kadin, I'm not so sure about.

He's fragile.

And he's priceless, a treasure beyond anything, any price, anything I was asked to pay would still be too little.

*sighs*

Love is not a victory march...