"Lightning crashes..."

"...the angel opens her eyes... the confusion sets in before the doctor can even close the door..."

"Lightning crashes, an old mother dies... her intentions fall to the floor..."

Sorry. I'm a bit depressed. Not sure why, other than because I feel miserable and lonely. He helped, but... Caleb is off at the Crucible vampire game, Kadin is in Canada, Elru is goddess-knows-where in the military, and I am lonely. *sighs* I don't really want company so much as I want someone I can curl up and cry on his shoulder or sob in her arms and just be sad for a while. I want to get it OUT.

"I want to... I want to be someone else or I'll explode..."

"You want me... fuckin' well come and FIND me, I'll be waiting... with a gun and a pack of sandwiches... and nothing... nothing... nothing..."

Fucking stupid tears. They aren't any good right now.

I'm sitting here typing this and sobbing already... but it's not the same. It's never the same when you're alone, when you have the feeling that you won't see the people you care about ever again.

My tastebuds are off... my tears taste like baking soda, not like salt. As if I'm dead, as if my body has stopped being human.

Odd feeling, this.

I shouldn't be depressed. I'm getting better, really I am, even if it doesn't feel like it. I've got a lot of the rough parts over with, or have plans to take care of them. So what if the dentist hasn't returned my call? So what if there are still fragments of kidney stones in my system? So what if I can't taste anything, if I feel like puking, if I can't sleep and want to hold someone but no one is here? SO FUCKING WHAT?

Sorry.

Just a little bit depressed, as I said.

And I'm sure it will pass... it always does. It'll pass and I will feel better, and maybe, just maybe, stop feeling like shit.

Really.

Honest.

Any minute now...