I've found a new auntie? *grins*

I'm on a quest... I need websites, stories, weblogs, journal entries, diary entries, newspaper articles, interviews, sound clips, pictures, songs, ANYTHING, that would answer some of the following questions for someone who has NEVER experienced any form of BDSM:

1) Why BDSM?

2) Why would any sane person want to hurt someone else?

3) Why would any sane person want to be hurt?

4) Why the bondage, the complicated gear, the sets and costumes and roleplaying?

5) Why the thought of someone as a pet or a slave or as property?

I've already found a few things that help... they are by no means complete descriptions or full answers, but they will give you an idea of what it is I'm looking for:

http://www.slaveregister.com/weblogs/265628/20020223084732641

http://www.slaveregister.com/weblogs/182833/20010302000223186

http://www.akashaweb.com/tara.html

http://www.akashaweb.com/peek.html

--- a conversation fragment ---

Fever Dream says:
BDSM is actually a multi-use acronym: Bondage, Domination, Sadism, and Masochism... D/s, which is Domination and Submission... and S&M, which is the serious pain side of things, the sadism and masochism balance.

When people use the term BDSM they are usually referring all-inclusively to every 'non-normal' sexual act that involves an exchange of power or pain.

boy says:
Sadism? as in getting pleasure from people's pain?

Fever Dream says:
Whipping someone, pretending to be a slave, being tied up, ordered around, spanked, punished, and quite a few fetishes (items or situations that are required for arousal or orgasm) fit into the BDSM category.

Sadist: someone who enjoys causing pain, often preferring the act of causing pain over the act of sex, or combining the two. Masochist: someone who enjoys receiving pain, often preferring pain over sex, or combining it with sex.

boy says:
Why as open minded as I try to be this seems to be very sick to me?

Fever Dream says:
This pain can be emotional, mental, or physical, but MOST sadists use a blend of all three and MOST masochists prefer a blend of all three.

In a lot of cultures, kissing is considered profane, sick, dirty, or just gross.

boy says:
I know

so?

Fever Dream says:
WHEN TAKEN TO AN EXTREME, D/s is like anything else... it can be unpleasant and dangerous, it can be illegal, it can be detremental.

However, when it is between two people who both completely agree to what is going on, both KNOW what is going on, and both ENJOY what is going on, it's pure pleasure. Like a kiss, it's only good if it's wanted, shared, and appropriate for the situation.

boy says:
But it's twisted

Fever Dream says:
And like a kiss, if you have grown up being told it's dirty or wrong or obscene, it's hard to accept that other people don't see it that way.

No. It's not twisted.

You're imagining some horrible bitch-woman beating up someone and calling him 'worm', or thinking of someone being hurt...

boy says:
Hurting anyone for pleasure is sick

that's all

Fever Dream says:
*shakes her head* Pay attention here. Sex, emotion, sensation... it all ties together. Have you ever had sex? And don't ask more questions, don't waffle, just ANSWER this question.

boy says:
I had

Fever Dream says:
*nods* Good, then hopefully you will understand this explanation:

Sometimes when you are having sex, your partner will tug your hair, or nibble on your skin, or dig her fingernails in, or thrust just that little bit harder, and in the passion of the moment, it feels GOOD, not bad.

Sometimes your partner (or you, for that matter) will want to try some position, or listen to some song, or whatever, and the other may not really like that position or that music... but they like making their partner happy, so they agree.

BDSM is simply those two concepts taken further... sensation and arousal combined to form pleasure... and submission, that point where you do something not because it's your favorite thing in the world but because you know it makes the person you care about happy.

I'm going to quote a bit here, from someone:

Fever Dream says:
"Maybe I should write about how I feel right now, for a first... which is all giddy and bouncy, and somewhat terrified. Giddy and bouncy because I am owned. Owned. I never thought this word and concept would bring such a huge grin to my lips. I never imagined that such a thing would feel comfortable and simply right. I have absolutely no experience in this, but... I'm looking forward to it.

"Pardon my lack of coherency, I am somewhat struggling with words here. I'm not very good at expressing my feelings. But I try to do it nonetheless; it's practice.

"Hmm... I want to please my owner. I want to make Her happy, make Her proud. *smiles slightly* It makes ~me~ happy to know She is. And it's not the selfish term - which I can't begin to explain about, but it's all sane in my mind so I'll just go with that thought - but the pure 'that person is happy and I am floating for it'.

"I know I will try my best. I know I will do my best... of whatever will be asked of me, and that knowledge somewhat subsides my fear. I'm not sure what iswill- be asked of me, really, but I'm aware of the fact that whatever will be asked of me, won't go beyond my abilities."

Fever Dream says:
You say that someone finding pleasure in their pain or in someone else's pain is 'sick'... meaning that it is, in your opinion, wrong, immoral, unpleasant, whatever.

I say that feeling happy because someone cares enough to take those sensations for you, for YOU, being proud because you made your lover/owner happy and proud, feeling extreme pleasure... that's a good thing, not a bad one.

It's only bad if it actually damages someone, physically or emotionally or mentally.

---

Yeah. Seriously, I would appreciate any input anyone out there has... if you are willing, please, write up an entry on this. Add links. Give your opinion. Share a story or an anecdote about why you do, or don't, think BDSM is healthy or sane or safe or fun or purple or fuzzy or whatever. I'm not looking for the end-all and be-all of answers, here. I want real peoples' explanations of real peoples' views.

And I'd like to know why other people do this. I can't always explain them but I know my motivations... do you know yours? Are you willing to share?

Please?

Sign the guestbook, leave your 'page address or any links you know of, and I will be extatic. *grins*