I remember her singing the vampire song, it's one of the clearest memories I have of her... not THE clearest, some of those are... odd. But I remember her singing, and thinking that god gave some people voices like that because he couldn't think of any better way to improve the world. It's like... like... gah. There aren't words for it. But I do love to hear her sing... I miss that.

"Blood like a bonfire... eyes like a flame... voice like a lover's touch... whispers my name... death in red velvet, he's masked by the truth... innocent evil... immortal youth"

Delicious. Sinful. Perfect. Wonderful.

But enough about that memory... perhaps I should share with you some of my 'other' memories of Rie... the ones that leave me questioning my sanity.

I remember seeing her walking around first the house, then the apartment, stark naked with a bird on her head... this is impressive both because well, there was a BIRD on her head, and because Rie has naturally large breasts... double-f, I think. Yes, she does in fact work as a stripper... I don't blame her, with those... great money, and she definitely has the body for it.

I remember the look on her face when Brian was teasing her with the thick end of a rope shoved into her cunt. Brian was a passing fear of mine, and he took a liking to her... it was up in the attic on Denver, she and he and I, and it felt... so ick, and so fun, and so wrong. But I remember that look... that look was right. A pleasure to see.

I remember huge dramatic tears-and-yelling arguements over Slash... gods, I wish I'd listened to her sooner. I wish I had figured out that even if she WAS jealous, that didn't mean she didn't have a point. She was right.

I remember watching man after man fall at her feet. I remember how... stunned, yes, that's a good word for it. How stunned I was when Rhett seemed to actually pay more attention to me than to her. I remember her face as Slash fucked her, me kneeling at Rhett's feet, not wanting to go join, wanting to stay near him... and he, playing god, watching and arranging people... I remember feeling Jim's hands on my body while Rie watched. I remember her eyes.

I remember how it felt to have her snuggled against me. It didn't happen often... but it did maybe twice that I can recall clearly. She felt warm... and cuddly... it was like holding a teddy bear, only... less real, somehow. As if it was just a dream.

I remember hanging out with her at the college, telling her about Alex, introducing her to the joys of the Philo Room and to the people therein. I remember how angry I was on one of the days when I went to Portland... and found a way to get online... and went into the Philo room in time to see her and Slash making out, cyberly-speaking.

I remember Alex' head on my lap in the back seat of Helen as we drove home from Portland... and I already knew then that he wouldn't stay. That it was done. I didn't want to know... but I did. She looked back at me in the rear-view mirror and I swear, read my mind... and just did this little nod-shrug thing. She understood. It was ok. 'Bitch' came on the radio, followed by 'sweet jane', I think... and I cried a lot. I stroked his hair as he slept and I cried, and she just watched... waited... and somehow helped, just by being there.

I remember watching her kiss Juliet.

I remember watching her wink at Eamon.

I remember watching her hugging Scott.

I remember all the times she touched someone else and I wished she was touching me... or often, that I was touching them.

It's funny... one of the things I still think about most often, when I think of her, is a memory she wasn't even present for... I remember feeling Roxxxy/Brian (different brian, one from Astoria) stroking my hair and telling me, afterward, and in all seriousness....... that I was a better lay, and gave better blowjobs, than she ever had.

I'm still smug about that. *grin*