No more vicodin.

None coming, either. Doctor said no. Said I take too much, I guess... he can't, legally, give me any more.

Wednesday at 11:00 I'll be back at the doctor's office, and maybe by then he'll have more for me. Or better yet (but I'm not counting on it) he'll actually take out the damned stent.

I'm not going to describe the pain I'm feeling - I've done that too much.

Not gonna go in-depth about the depression, because you all have been there, you know how it feels to think that maybe dying would be easier, but not daring to.

I'm not going to bother ranting about how much I miss my boys.

I'm not going to write anything useful here, really.

The only thing I'll say is that I want to go back to playing Thousand Arms on the playstation, 'cos my characters are leveling up nicely and I need to go forge their weapons, but I can't because Robert is watching football.

*sighs*

I'm really feeling shitty. I've been taking sleeping pills so that I can be unconscious, not hurting so much. It doesn't work all that well, but at least I got four hours of sleep. It helped, sleeping did.

I'm still depressed.

I still hurt.

I'm still lonely.

I'm still worried.

I still need painkillers.

I still don't know where my period went.

I'm still here.

I'm still alive.

And for the life of me, I don't know why.