...music pulsing, trying to draw me back out of myself...

...praying, hoping, and so much I want to say is still silent...

...dreaming, I must be dreaming, reality can't possibly ache like this, hurt like this, burn me inside and out...

...jealousy. I should be above it.

...envy. I shouldn't feel it.

...desire. I shouldn't care, shouldn't wonder... shouldn't need.

At least, I shouldn't need THAT.

Not from her.

Not EVER.

Get over it, Jax... get over it, go on, get past this and figure out something better to do with your time. It's not what you think, it's not what you feel, it's just a trick your mind is playing, get OVER it.

Gods.

No... one deity only, and I can't believe some days that I could have forgotten it and other days I can't remember... or don't want to... gods, make it STOP.

Twisted. Sick.

Painful.

...sometimes I only remember the days when I was young...

...now you're begging me to stay...

Maybe this will work out after all.

Or maybe I'm just asking to be used.

Again.