*grins* ...sobriety? boring.

- - - read on, macbeth - - -

Another entry, written as I feel myself disconnecting... flames, fire rising, and fresh blood from a wound made last night... there are crimson drops slowly drawing hunger-paths down the side of my breast, when I move my breath catches, rush of pain... but I did this to myself, for a reason, for Someone else, and it almost sanitizes the event. Now, though...

It's so different, cutting for this, for the rush... for the comfort... rather than for obedience or feeding or service. Easier, in many ways. My own timing, my own pace, my own choice. My own desire. No confusion.

And it is ME... there's a girl peering over my shoulder, watching, being strong, but this isn't her. This isn't her decision or her need. She can wait - she'll get her own later.

The feel of a collar.

Woke up to that, throat swelling near-shut, panicked.

Sympathy, such sympathy for my boys... knowing they've each fought off the discomfort, the fear, the desire to scratch and claw and tear away the thing keeping them from such a simple thing as breath, denying them even a moment's peace. Collared. Gods, how could I have not seen this, how could I have forgotten the feeling? Dreaming God, thank you... you've once more wakened the memories I'd nearly locked away, and I prize those memories.

Citrus taste on my lips, citrus and cinnamon and salt. I've found that if you mix grapefruit juice, a pinch of cinnamon, and three pinches of salt, serve it over ice, it tastes much like blood... the texture, the temperature, are wrong, aye... but the flavor, the satisfaction it gives, is amazing.

Pick up a razorblade, and you get cut... more likely, if you don't realize it's a blade you hold until AFTER your finger is bleeding...

...and then you stare at the redness, licking your lips... licking your finger... and then you decide to cut again.

Distracted... here, see:

Slavecat says:
I don't like blood right now. But the thought of being forced to take it is... this crave. Another one of those cravings which most of me objects to. But it's there. And sometimes frustrating.

Jax says:
*laughs softly... and once more offers you the cup of juice, her eyes meeting yours, pure black and spinning, dark hunger...* You don't want a gift, you don't want to feed some deep hunger... rather, you want the shame, the fear, the struggle and final, unavoidable surrender... you want to be reminded of just how completely you are controlled.

Something only a slave would ever lust for... *shakes her head, amused, waiting now for you to speak*

Slavecat says:
*wraps his hand around the cup, bringing it to his lips, sipping slowly, slightly, then lowers the hand to his lap* I suppose so...

Jax says:
*purring her approval, her eyes now follow your hand... when it settles in your lap she sets down the cup, both of her own hands busy for a moment... the velvet patchwork tunic is raised, tugged off, leaving the cloak still wrapped loose around her shoulders, soft black silk trousers hugging her hips and thighs... one finger raises briefly, sharp nail pressed for a heartbeat's span to your lips... she draws it back, lowering her hand... resting the finger on one breast, just long enough to leave a drop of redness welling up from the skin there*

Slavecat says:
*he is blinking slightly, staring, puzzled*

Jax says:
*shiver, body trembling as her finger brushes against the cut, catching up the single drop of liquid... her hand moves again, stained finger pressed once more to your lips... a smile... then once more naught but that dark, endless gaze, her hand returning to her breast, cupping it... fingernail this time slicing a long furrow into the flesh, blood rising quickly from the scratch*

Slavecat says:
*wide eyes* What... what are you doing?...

Jax says:
*she chuckles faintly, the sound nearly as liquid as the now-slowing droplets beginning to gather, trickling down the side of her breast* I'm enjoying myself, little one... open wide... *once again a finger, blood-soaked and eager, streaks your lips with crimson salt-sweet flavor*

Slavecat says:
*his eyes couldn't possibly get any wider than they are right now, opening his mouth quickly*

Jax says:
*nodding slightly, she pulls her hand back, a quick shake of her head stopping you when your mouth begins to close... a third time newly-sharpened nails meet skin, this time leaving three matched marks, beginning just above her left breast and trailing down nearly to the nipple... she gasps, eyes closed for a moment as the sting hits her... then grins, rising abruptly and pushing you back, forcing you to the floor, fingers prodding your mouth open further, one hand at your throat now*

Slavecat says:
*has just lost his appetite.... his body trembles slightly, heartbeat speeding up a bit, obeying*

Jax says:
*the dark-eyed femme who holds you down has found a seat now, kneeling above you, straddling your stomach, keeping you down... her hands find purchase in your hair, half-bracing herself on the floor, half-pinning you tighter as she once more descends, hot, blood-slick flesh just above your mouth... slowly, one small drop gathers... trembles... and falls to your tongue*

Slavecat says:
*holds his tongue still, trying not to get the drop to slide to move, keeping it where it is, his breath almost ragged*

Jax says:
*her hands tighten into fists, trembling once more... the drop of blood is joined by a second, her own breath catching with a hiss of pleasure as she feels the liquid gathering, trickling down across her skin... a third drop, and now they begin to slip within your mouth, coating your tongue* Swallow, you little beast... swallow, and thank me...

Slavecat says:
*swallows, forcing his eyes open despite the urge to shut them tightly, voice trembling with the rest of his body* Th..thank you for the gift of your blood...

Jax says:
*those wide eyes earn you something other than merely blood... purring, murmuring her praise for such beautiful eyes, for a little creature who knows better than to hide, she claims a kiss... the blood still in your mouth is drawn away by hers, leaving you with only the taste of citrus... smiling, she draws back... and again her fingernail finds her breast, body once more shuddering and a deep cut scoring the darkened, tight nipple*

Slavecat says:
*horrified*

Jax says:
*wonders just how more horrified you'd be if you could see her flesh in truth right now, tiny, delicate red lines following each path she's spoken of, a still-sticky razorblade resting on a scrap of black velvet beside her*

Jax says:
*her hands tighten in your hair once again* Open WIDE, pet...

Slavecat says:
*shudders... and opens his mouth as wide as he can manage*

Jax says:
*no fingers, no watching the blood flow... no, this time her hands guide your head, lifting it slightly until your lips are touching her breast* Please me, little toy... put your mouth to use.

Slavecat says:
*still trembling, his tongue slips out, lips pressed against the flesh as it slowly reaches the nipple, gliding across it slowly, gently, hesitantly, eyes shimmering with fright*

Jax says:
*a low growl of pleasure... her hands, still tangled in your hair, continue to direct your mouth and tongue... her night-black eyes meet yours now as she shifts above you, thighs tightening 'bout your waist... you can feel her entire body vibrating as she continues to growl, you can taste the blood that now coats the skin you are lavishing with such care* Good boy... such a good creature...

Slavecat says:
*with each swallow of a metallic taste comes a wince, still his tongue slides across, lips moving upwards and downwards in a faint sucking...*

Jax says:
*another growl, her head thrown back, arousal and joy and that odd, not-quite-painful sensation that seems to drown her... abruptly, your head is forced back down, a few drops of saliva and blood chasing after you, landing on your cheek* Speak, little whorepet...

Slavecat says:
*panting softly, voice faint, still quivering* ...thank you f..for putting m..my mouth to use...

Jax says:
*one hand frees itself from your tangled locks, the back of her palm connecting with your cheek, the blow sudden... before you can do more than whimper, your hair is once again caught in her hands* Say that again... properly this time, slave... or have you forgotten how to speak as a slave should?

Slavecat says:
...th..this sl..slave is grateful towards his Lady for using his mouth...

Jax says:
*her hands leave you now, body twisting, serpentine, drawing herself up... this time her right breast feels the bite of nails crossing flesh as she rakes those almost-claws across it, one finger catching the nipple, the others merely marking soft flesh with new streaks of blood as you watch* That's MUCH better, boy.

Slavecat says:
*whimpers softly as he watches, nodding quickly*

Jax says:
*she writhes for a moment, lost in the rush of pain as each cut adds to the sensations that already threaten to overwhelm her... then, slowly, she shifts backward until she kneels above your legs, arms extended toward you, hands offered, encouraging you* Sit up, my slave... sit up and beg like a good little beast.

Slavecat says:
*his fingers intertwine with yours and he rises to sit, shivering* S..lave begs of the Lady to p..put him to more use... slave begs to.. please... t..the Lady...

Jax says:
*tight grasp, eyes glittering, and even through her hands you can tell her pulse is racing, excitement, pleasure... not at the physical sensation, not at the sight or taste of blood... but simply, only, because of you... because of your nervousness, your fear, your disgust, your obedience, your willingness to please... she wraps her arms around you, once more guiding your head as she leans back slightly, encouraging you to lick away the blood gathering on the fresh cuts*

Slavecat says:
*gently he licks, bringing his tongue out after each forced swallow for a new set of gently sucking and lapping, cleaning the areas slowly, his stomach rolling...*

Jax says:
*each new flick of your tongue, each wave of warmth your mouth sends across her skin, brings out another low sound... one hand catches yet again in your hair, teaching you where to lick... pushing your face roughly against her flesh, pulling you back with a yank, guiding you through each stroke*

Slavecat says:
*follows your guidance... helpless*

Jax says:
*finally the flow of blood slows... stops... a moment or three more, she keeps you at her breast, shivering with pleasure, enjoying the feel of your mouth, the feel of you trembling within her arms... finally she changes position slightly, slipping off of you to crouch beside you, her hand once more striking you* On your knees, toy. Quickly. I've... another use... for you.

Slavecat says:
*pulls himself onto his knees hurriedly*

Jax says:
Bare your throat for me... offer yourself, boy. Offer to replace the blood I've been so... kind... as to allow you.

*drifts for a moment into a fragment of music, "Scarborough Fair" playing on Winamp, her body indeed trembling, another drop of blood licked from a fingertip* Such a GOOD boy...

Slavecat says:
*pulls himself onto his knees hurriedly*

Jax says:
Bare your throat for me... offer yourself, boy. Offer to replace the blood I've been so... kind... as to allow you.

Slavecat says:
*tilts his head backwards, skin tightening over flesh as he does so, trembling fiercely*

Jax says:
*slowly, so very slowly, she leans in toward you... one arm curls snug 'round your waist, the other hand finds a home on your shoulder, her body as well pulsing with emotion... but hers is desire, rather than fear... one finger traces an agonizing, white-hot line down the side of your throat, a shallow cut, but deep enough to sting... and deep enough for drop after drop of blood to rise*

Slavecat says:
*whimpers, flinching*

Jax says:
*quick shake of her head, copper strands tumbling about her face, a chaotic tangle* No, little cat... offer it.. offer yourself to me... you can feel the heat of your blood staining your throat... and it will go to waste if you don't beg to be used, tasted, instead of just tossed away into a corner, ignored for now.

Slavecat says:
*whimpers again, frustrated, holding himself still* Please... slave begs to be used, to hurt for you...

Jax says:
*smirking, she leaps at you, not seeming to care whether you are bruised or frightened by the motion, her body wrapping tight around you, lips pressed to the pulsepoint at your throat... tiny kisses, gentle... then finally she finds the wound and you feel her sucking, feel your blood leave... fell her pleasure, her joy...*

Slavecat says:
*breathing sharply, holding himself still*

Jax says:
*each breath, each swallow, only seems to excite her further... and then without warning, you find two bloodsoaked fingers pressed to your lips demanding entrance, her voice mumbled* Lick, lit'le cat... *her own tongue matches the suggestion, you can feel it rasping against your skin, drawing out even more blood, even more pain*

Slavecat says:
*expression contorted with pain, he opens his mouth, drawing in the bloodied fingers, where his tongue laps and sucks them clean*

Jax says:
*she starts to speak... then, suddenly, her words are lost in a sharp, fierce yowl, eyes closed, her hand tightening its grip on you, body abruptly arching back... the sound rises in volume and pitch, louder, higher, going on for what seems like forever, to her at least... and slowly now, she collapses, drawing you down beside her, once more licking, but gentle this time, her eyes bright with the heated glow only satisfaction gives*

Jax says:
...such a GOOD little cat...

Slavecat says:
*gasps, exhausted, nauseated...*

Jax says:
*she chuckles softly, seeming more amused than anything else, aware of the churning stomach, your revolted look... and so incredibly pleased by your obedience, your cooperation, that she can do nothing but smile, purring softly*

Slavecat says:
*manages a few words* ..thank you m'lady...

Jax says:
Thank you, t'lesh... thank you. *she hugs you once more, pleased beyond words*

...and he is. He's amazing. *soft smile*

I feel... calmer, now. Sober, even. Content, pleased, relaxed, and damned happy.

THIS is a good day, now... wish me luck, in a few hours my mother arrives! *hides*