The computer ate the first one I started writing - it does that often, of late. But a response.

I would have killed for you. I would have died for you. If you'd called me, I would come. If you'd actually shown up, not led me to believe you were giving me a cold-shouldered goodbye... *shrugs slowly*

Church closet, a night's conversation, your eyes and your heartbeat, the realization that there was one other person on the goddamned planet who understood, who listened... I still don't think you realized just what you had. What I offered.

I would have owned you. I would have worshipped you. I would have... no, more truth to say I loved you.

And still do.

Some things never fade, some memories I will always keep safe.

http://jaxraven.diaryland.com/alever.html

http://jaxraven.diaryland.com/1longnnight.html

http://jaxraven.diaryland.com/keepfall.html

http://unsentletter.diaryland.com/030314_86.html

http://unsentletter.diaryland.com/021018_70.html

http://unsentletter.diaryland.com/020916_57.html

http://jaxraven.diaryland.com/amazingrace.html

I can't really understand why you didn't have some idea. Maybe you did, and just pushed it away. Maybe you didn't want to know. Maybe the fact that the only thing in my life I regret is tied in with you... maybe it means something.

I don't know if I regret meeting you or regret parting from you. I am not sure if I regret my dreams or the reality. I just know that the memories are precious, the moments were priceless, and the long walk down the hill was a cool breeze to my soul.

http://jaxraven.diaryland.com/030110_24.html

http://jaxraven.diaryland.com/all_lyrics.html

http://jaxraven.diaryland.com/purge.html

http://jaxraven.diaryland.com/introangel.html

You have no idea how tempting it is to fall silent, just never speak.

http://jaxraven.diaryland.com/notapolo.html

http://jaxraven.diaryland.com/hlstoner.html

http://jaxraven.diaryland.com/livewithout.html

http://jaxraven.diaryland.com/musictodie.html

http://jaxraven.diaryland.com/pouroutp.html

I can't help wondering if this entry will even be seen by the one person it's meant for.

http://jaxraven.diaryland.com/religion.html

http://jaxraven.diaryland.com/conbamjme.html

http://jaxraven.diaryland.com/rhuitbato.html

http://jaxraven.diaryland.com/smiletoday.html

...a king's ransom in dimes I'd give each night to see through this pay phone... ...I just close my eyes... ...I want to lay you down in a bed of roses, for tonight I sleep on a bed of nails... ...now as you close your eyes, know I'll be thinking about you while my mistress, she calls me... ...I won't be alone, but you know that don't mean I'm not lonely...

http://jaxraven.diaryland.com/girlsfun.html

http://jaxraven.diaryland.com/happyrain.html

http://jaxraven.diaryland.com/disjoinloss.html

http://jaxraven.diaryland.com/chocodep.html

...and the one entry I have been trying to find, the one written after hearing her tell me that I was worth exactly as much as anyone else, someone she could just toss away... I've been trying for a good hour+ to find it and I.E. is crashing every few minutes through that and dammit, I'm going to stop now.

Enough.

...enough.

She won't read this anyway.

...I want to be the prayer answered when you meet me...